A World Beyond Social Media Exists (and It's Beautiful).

I believe that life can be described as a series of pendulum swings. We have an innate tendency to swing between opposing experiences and, while hardly ever comfortable — or sometimes even healthy — as humans on Earth with endless options and zero handbooks, it’s our best method of learning.

Despite any discomfort (or judgment from our friends and family), these natural swings ultimately allow us to define our own personal truth and necessary point of balance.

Official Swinger

My feelings and emotions regarding social media can be described as nothing other than a grand pendulum swing.

When I joined Facebook in 2005, I was hooked on reading and engaging with the never-ending, seemingly riveting updates of my friends and family. It was exciting to reconnect with people I went to school with and see what was happening in their lives, and yes, what they were having for breakfast.

But somewhere along the way, as my personal connections went from close friends and family to meaningless acquaintances I met once upon a bar, strangers with mutual friends, advertisements, and endless reels shoving topics, agendas, and butts in my face that I never asked to see… my pendulum took a hard swing.

Social media became a barrage of people trying to sell me something. Sell me they’re happy when I knew firsthand they weren’t. Sell me some new business idea I couldn’t care less about. Or sell me on the fact that I needed to watch every video, see every meme, read (and respond to) every message flooding through my DMs in order to be a good friend, business owner, or person.

My engagement with social media became nothing more than a designated chunk of time to roll my eyes over personal life updates I never wanted to know, angrily expressed opinions I never asked to hear, and never-ending — I mean never-ending — egoic, desperate gym selfies.

A 100,000 Lumen Realization

In what I can only define as divine intervention, the article “Algorithms are the new cigarettes. Is it possible to quit cold turkey?” by Zack Arnold graced my inbox. A major light bulb went off in my head…there is a world, hear me out on this, there is a world in which we have no social media at all…

A world where we not only have free time, but where we fill it with moments of peace, creativity, and joy rather than looking in a literal toilet.
A world where we look up and actually connect with the wonderful people in our lives that have chosen to sit next to us on the couch or at the table (and won’t be there forever).
A world where we no longer put our phone down after scrolling for x amount of time and return to this braindead feeling of “Where was I??”

I wanted to live in that world. Quite frankly, I longed for it the way I longed for John Mayer when I was in the throes of my hormonal teenage depression.

And while I knew I couldn’t create that world for everyone, I recognized that I carry the choice, as we all do, to create that world for myself.

There will always be social media, and it will always be filled with people and content that will melt your brain like that man’s face in the end of Raiders of The Lost Ark.

But we have the power to choose (from our actual minds — not our addicted to flashing lights and boobies minds) how we use our energy, attention, and limited time on this planet. And I believe that is a right we should not take for granted.

Bye, Felicia

While it might feel rebellious to live in a way that is different from everyone else, in truth, it’s not. Our primal brain is wired for survival by staying in the tribe, so naturally we are conditioned from the start to behave in ways that ensure we fit in. But with whom? Everyone?

In reality, living our own authentic truth is the only way we can ever really “fit in” with the right tribe — people we can share mutually authentic, meaningful, and fulfilling relationships with.

I wanted to create the space necessary to prioritize those kinds of relationships, so I made the choice, pressed the button, and ejected myself from the crashing plane that is social media.

And when I did, a mysterious, hidden part of myself felt overwhelming relief. It was the part of me that had been longing for my time to be spent with people, in nature, being creative, and following my passions… not staring at a small screen.

To be open with you, I cried. I burst into tears of relief that felt oddly dramatic, as if I had just survived something. And then… I panicked.

What if people think I crashed out and failed because I took down my personal and business accounts? I have SO many photos on there! Those are my memories…I spent years building this!! How will I connect with people?? I’m going to miss funny reels! Sh*t, my boyfriend is still on there…what skanks are liking his photos?!

On a soul level, I was elated. On the level of my (clearly addicted) mind, I was in turmoil. These fears seem silly, but they were real. Most of them dissipated quite quickly as my feeling of relief expanded; however, some didn’t.

Perhaps each of us has our own unique fears that keep us tied to the tiger, but for me, the following were the most threatening — yet ultimately the most fruitful in terms of healing.

“How am I going to stay connected with my actual friends and family?!”
“If I can’t promote my business on social media, how will it grow?!”

Real Connection

Let’s start with the first one, the panic that by exiting social media you will lose connection, or at a minimum, updates from your actual friends and family. This fear is pure FOMO in action and, in all honesty, highly understandable.

But it’s also highly bullsh*t.

If you want to maintain contact and connection with the people in your life that you truly care about, then do it. Text them. Call them. Ask for and share photos. Go visit them in person. Build, nurture and experience actual relationships.

In reality, not everyone we are friends with on social media, or are communicating with through social media, are people we would choose to spend time with in our real lives.

Here is a test for you…

Go through your DMs one person at a time, and message that person to meet with you for one hour. Sit with that person for 60 full minutes, look into their eyes while you communicate, and connect with them.

If you truly care about this person, this will be an expansive and exciting experience for you to deepen a meaningful connection in your life.

If you don’t care about this person, and the idea of spending an hour alone with them makes you shudder, cringe, or even (uh oh) feel guilty…congratulations, you just learned where you can gain more of your own time, energy, and attention to use towards who and what truly matter in your life.

To put it bluntly, stop spending your extremely limited time here on Earth engaging in draining and meaningless conversations with people you don’t need to be (and perhaps even shouldn’t be) communicating with, and go create memories with people you truly care about that will warm your heart in your final moments.

That quick 10-minute scroll (on a good day) could have been a check-in with someone that you’ll one day wish you spent more time with.

I’ve had the devastating realization that I missed out on connecting more deeply with someone I loved before it was too late — all while my phone sat in my hands being used for something meaningless.

What would your life look and feel like even one month from now if you used the time you spent on social media to connect with people in real life — or with yourself?

The Business Dilemma

*Rubs hands together*…. this is my favorite. Beyond the fear of losing connection, the fear of not being able to promote my business (and more accurately the fear of failure, shame, and poverty) is the one that almost got me to stay.

We’ve been sold a lie that Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok are the only ways we can grow our careers, especially as an entrepreneur. Is it helpful and useful? Yes. Did I promote my business and gain clients from it? Yes. Is it the only method you can use? No.

If you are seeking ego-driven goals of fame, money, or being wasted on someone’s boat while you post about it, I feel like Instagram and other apps are actually a great fit for you. Have at it.

But if you have deep, soul-driven, purposeful goals in life that come from your heart, there is no world in which I know (or believe in) where the Universe, Source, God or whatever name you prefer to insert here, will not support you.

For example, it is my deepest, heartfelt goal to help people release their pain and suffering from the past so that they can awaken to their fullest joy and authentically live their soul’s purpose. Chef’s kiss.

Now imagine I voice this dream of helping humanity to the sky with my hands on my heart and tears in my eyes, the clouds open, and in a booming voice God says, “DO YOU HAVE FACEBOOK?”

Deep, pure, soul-level dreams will always be supported. There are other ways to build your beautifully creative dreams if you use that beautiful creativity to discover them.

The answer to “How?” might look different for all of us, but I will share with you that for me personally, deepening the real (and right) relationships in my life has led to far more success and opportunity than social media ever did.

My career has expanded more through seeing people at events, saying hello in the grocery store, email outreach, sending a random text, or by simply asking for help more than anything else. And my website algorithms prove it.

Those benefits don’t even mention the increase in your time, energy, creativity, focus, and resulting LIFE available to you when you’re not funneling all of the above into scrolling.

In the few short months I have exited the apps, my ability to think, create, and expand myself personally and professionally has increased to a level that makes it clear: Your homegirl done scrolling.

Settling in Balance

I don’t write any of this to convince people they should leave the apps, and I certainly don’t shame anyone who loves them. I am simply a pendulum that swung in the opposite direction sharing my clarity from the other side.

My discovered “balance” is what you are reading, using this here fancy internet as a tool to share lessons and wisdom with others through the delightful experience of creatively using my very own brain.

It can be scary to move against the singular direction of a crowd, but the more we can make choices from our own personal heart’s truth rather than our fear, the more fulfilling, joyous, and expansive life becomes.

And it’s worth repeating: If you are living life from your heart and following passions that deeply mean something to you, life (and people) will recognize that and respond accordingly.

If you’re like me and feel the call to live your life outside of a little screen filled with people and agendas desperately clawing for your limited time (which is our most farmed resource, *says in foil hat*), then do your soul the favor of answering that call.

But I won’t sugar-coat it, leaving social media was far more difficult than I anticipated due to the level at which apps tap into our dopamine receptors. However, those constant dopamine hits don’t leave us in a high, they leave us with an increasingly lowered attention span, a restless, sleepless mind, and a steaming cloud of brain fog.

So if you’re curious on how to address the deeper fears, emotions, and chemical attachments to social media as you step away, stay tuned for my next article, “Scroll Junkie.” The more prepared you are up front regarding these factors, the more success you’ll have in sticking that landing.

Now honey, look up!

Honey, Look Up!