You Want Me To What?!
One of my favorite teachers, Lee Harris, recently shared a message in his monthly broadcast that left a crater in my brain from its sudden impact:
“It’s time to stop.”
He repeated that statement two more times, with fiercely long pauses in between each round, staring into the camera—and seemingly my soul.
It brought back the all-too-familiar feeling of teachers throughout my younger years repeatedly calling me out in class to stop talking. Jokes on them for my 4.0 in street smarts [insert attempted gang sign].
I tried to pretend like Lee’s message to stop was just for everyone else listening (losers), but I knew exactly what he was talking about.
The overworking. The overdoing. The constant pushing beyond my limits with no real direction... just a tornado of effort probably still going east, but at this point, who knows!
Effort means progress, right?!
False Cozy
Like any high achiever, I feel most comfortable applying max effort, even in spiral form. Partially from positive inner sources that love what it feels like to accomplish goals, and partially from negative inner scripts that are telling me I’ll never have or be enough.
BUT…
”Everyone I know has a big ‘but.’” - PeeWee Herman
I’ve known for a long time that I’ve needed to slow down.
I’ve felt for years that something isn’t quite right.
However, the ripples of truth we receive in regard to what needs to change in our lives are often overtaken by a larger wave of fear that tells us to stay exactly where we are.
For an overachiever, no matter how intense the signal becomes to slow down, there is a glaring siren telling us that if we stop, things will only get worse.
Stopping would mean feeling the disappointment of what we haven’t achieved and facing the painful reality that we just aren’t where we want to be.
Stopping would mean we would have to accept that what we’re doing clearly, glaringly, just isn’t working (and never will).
Stopping would also clearly mean financial ruin and eating canned cat food.
So ya know… back to work!!!
Proof in the Troof
Ironically, when we spin our wheels with endless, massive effort in order to appease our fear-based whispers, we only continue to limit what we could ever possibly achieve.
And that’s for biological reasons.
Living in overdrive means you are living in the stress response.
And do you know what your brain and body do when you’re in the stress response? They limit all functioning outside of your basic needs for survival.
Your brain pumps waterfalls of adrenaline and cortisol so that you can survive the threat at hand. It’s entire purpose is now to keep you alive… not to be creative, focused, or at peace.
It also takes your energy for normal functioning (like proper digestion, breathing, and sleeping) and uses it to maintain muscle tension in order for you to sprint or slap your way to safety at a moment’s notice.
When we live in the stress response, we’re not really living at all. We’re just physically surviving each day (and are absolutely not surviving mentally, emotionally, or energetically).
Then we wonder why we’re exhausted but can’t sleep, always have sore necks and backs, have a bad stomach, or a '70s disco fog machine for a brain. Oh, us.
A Huggy Wuggy
Here’s the deal, overachievers. I know you. I am you.
I have compassion for our active minds and our admirable (or even fear-based) reasonings for max effort, and I suggest you find that compassion within and for yourself as well.
On a deeper level, we’re just incredibly motivated toward living a life that makes us feel safe and like we are enough.
We just want to secure happiness.
But the process of overworking in order to secure safety and happiness is keeping us in a state of achieving no safety or happiness at all.
We are perpetually placing ourselves on a hamster wheel of burnout—or one of those larger cat wheels I will probably (and hopefully) own in my lifetime.
But knowing us, we can’t just flat out stop working so hard when it’s rooted in fear… so what do we do?
First, Breathe
If we can set down the crucial tasks at hand and pause long enough to breathe—and I mean this literally—take a few minutes for nothing other than slow, deep breathing in order to bring ourselves out of the stress response, we would eventually experience something magical.
Mental space…
And in that space, our body shifts from waterfalls of adrenaline to opening the floodgates of our creative ideas, inspiration, excitement, peacefulness, answers, joy, wholeness, and enough-ness.
When we bring ourselves out of the stress response, we give ourselves the ability to focus on something other than thoughts, actions, or beliefs rooted in fear.
And yes, our breath is powerful enough to do this — all it takes is the following:
Breathe in for 4 seconds, then out for 8 seconds. Do this a minimum of 8 times or until you feel a shift.
For those of you who struggle with intense anxiety, this breathing method has been known to be effective enough to stop panic attacks.
Is It That Easy??
Physically, yes! Our nervous system is wired to shift when we shift our breath. Simple as that.
Emotionally, sometimes not! Because the moment you stop and come out of the stress response, you just might feel what you’ve been avoiding and face the difficult thoughts that have been steering you into overdrive.
BUT (here we go again)…
Let’s not make that a big deal.
A feeling is just that. A feeling. It’s not reality.
A feeling is nothing other than a message.
And based on everyone’s addictions to little pings, dings, red hearts, blue dots, and so forth, we love messages, don’t we!!
And this is far more than just a ping…
A feeling is a ping with the potential to change your life (which I would argue makes it entirely worth the discomfort).
Uncomfortable feelings rooted in truth are far less painful to face than the outcome you will experience by ignoring them.
It’s true that stopping stings.
But a life of living in survival, overworking, and never feeling like you’re enough—that burns.
Those messages and feelings, even if uncomfortable, just might be the crucial pieces of information you need to learn how to live the life you’re dreaming of.
Cool Story! I Can’t.
If stopping long enough to breathe feels undoable (oh, I’ve been there), I would like to offer you a suggestion.
Stay in your state of action, but just stop to ask yourself some questions.
Stop to consider, ponder, and feel how overworking is working for you.
Take inventory of the state of your physical, mental, emotional, energetic, and spiritual health.
Stop to recognize that maybe it hasn’t been working in the past, it’s not working now, and it’s never going to work in the future, so something has to change.
That still hurts because, ya know, “What about all of that effort I spent over the years?! You’re telling me that was for nothing?!”
If that’s where you’re at, I recommend reading the article “The Frustrating Importance of “Wasted Effort.” by best-selling author Steve Kamb (not to be dramatic but IT SAVES LIVES SAVE YOURSELF).
I promise you that no matter how uncomfortable the thoughts or feelings are that you encounter on your journey towards shifting out of overworking and moving towards a life that you love, they’re worth it.
Sort of a few days of discomfort vs. a few decades kind of a thing.
So trust the process, have a cookie, and know that everything will be okay.
My Parting Gift: A Latte of Questions
Dark Roasts
What needs to stop for you?
What would you feel if you did stop?
What would happen if you felt that?
Cappuccinos
What would it feel like if you recognized that you already are (and have) enough?
What if you considered that an hour of peace would provide more benefit in terms of clarity and sanity than one more hour of hard work ever could?
How good could your life get if you stopped following doom thoughts and started following your own inspiration, creativity, and joy?
Frapps
What excites you?
What do you love to do?
What small fun task can you do today?